"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff
and building your wings on the way down."

- Ray Bradbury

Saturday, October 30, 2004
i'm damn bored! there's nth but crappy shows on tv, n there's no1 nice to talk to online. SUX.. i'll go back to my books den. there's really nth better to do. n dat's REALLY SAD

Thursday, October 28, 2004

came online to play silly games n wasting precious mugging time. i really shdnt b doing dis! i really shdnt :(

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

wah lau! huiyu got to level20! he's damn zai! haha he even took a pic of the com screen n mms it to me. said he got the golden hammer.. but still, getting to level20 on dat crazy game is really amazing :) i'm getting q sick of the game cos i'm 4eva stuck at level13. sux.. must find new games to play alr. hahaz

wanted to go out to study but it's raining damn heavily. dun really wan to get drenched even with an umbrella so i'll just stay home for awhile longer. slpt at almost 4am playing stupid games. haha at 1st we challenged each other to c who'll study til the latest. loser treat winner to coffee bean's cheesecake. but i got bored of it at 2.30am so he say wanna play scissors paper stone using sms. v silly game but it's damn fun! hafta coordinate n sms at the same time. laughed til i got super awake but my mum woke up n told me to slp so the game had to end. we had a draw though, so we'll treat ourselves :D

Saturday, October 23, 2004

heyheyhey~ hahaz.. i'm super bored. think i'm going to slp real soon. went to study with deary 2day (okay, yday. wadeva).. pretend 2day's the 23rd. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DEAR! hope u lyked the prez cos i lyked it alot :D okay i'm really bored cos i'v got nth else to say except HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DEAR! so i blogged just to say HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DEAR!. hahaz.. i'm such a spastic idiot :p

Thursday, October 21, 2004

*cheers!* haha.. actually i got to stage13 mayb 3 days ago? but i was too overjoyed to update dis blog, so yah.. YAY!! haha.. to all u those stuck in level10 with dat blue dumbo who refuses to die, here's my advice: use a better hammer with wings! clear the board of the other dumbos n wadeva, wait for the blue dumbo's head to drop off n go back on, den whack quickly for abt 5 times. if u cant clear the board, den just whack him in between clearing the other stuffs. yeah :D

anw, i'm going swimming later! haha.. actually not swimming lah. i just wanna go get tanned. hahaz.. but i cant believe i'm going to swim with the person i'm going with. damn weird but nvm lah. i dun care. i dun wanna b a fair lady no more! haha.. i cant seem to b able to get my ass off the bed in time to go sch at 8am for some reason. i just cant understand it. i can go sch to play ball games at 6.50am but not go for consultation at 8am?! wth.. nvm. i need to study i need to study i need to study.. sux );

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

arghs!!! i just cannot get pass level 9! sux lyk hell.. damn it.. anw, i studied q abit with ry 2day. stupid girl keep making me laugh. haha.. hm.. v sian.. OH SHIT. i got geog w ting tmr. luckily beat reminded me dis afternoon. kkk damn it. i'll go do my geog later. SUX

Monday, October 18, 2004

yay! on a lighter note.... i got to level 9 for once! i'm getting better at the game man.. level 10, imgettingthereimgettingthereimgettingthere

such a terribly horrible day.. started off v well cos i went to sch at 6.50am to play ball game with mr yong, sofia, peiying, yihui, joanne, huimin, and later mich joined us in the game. had lots of fun playing with them as usual, esp. cos mr yong missed so many open shots it was damn farny.

but anw, back to the horrible part. i dunno y she came to me to tell me he wans to meet me, den added dat they broke up n ended with "i dunno if i shd tell u the reason". i was lyk thinking, "diao! wad has it got to do with me?" i asked her to tell me cos she was making me v curious, but she just walked away hurriedly w/o wanting to say much. okay den..

after dat she smsed me to tell me not to tell any1 cos besides me, only another person noes abt it. so, naturally i went to ask the other person wad's going on! n i got a shock at wad i was told. such rubbish! tried to get her to talk to me abt it but she's not replying so wad can i do? i think it's q silly lor. it seems lyk a stupid joke to me n i dunno how the hell, but i'm told i'm involved in dis mess. and anw, they'v been together for lyk almost 1 yr thereabout? not to mention, i'v not been in contact with him for such a freaking long time. it's ridiculous how i sumhow got dragged into the mud AGAIN.

i noe u read my blog b4 cos u told me u did, so in case u'r still reading my blog sumtimes.. i dunno y u always lyk to tell me when u guys break up. it's not the 1st time u'r telling me dis lor. n i'm not sure y u chose to tell me. is it cos u wan me to noe i got chance now or sth? dun b silly my dear. go read ur friendster testimonials u wrote for each other k? u'r the 1 he lyks! if he brought me into the picture, mayb it's cos he was pissed or sth so he merely wanted to spite u? if u THINK i'm in the picture but there's no actually proof, den it's all ur imagination! seriously, i swear i wished u all the best when u got together again last yr. really. u 2 make a sweet couple, dun let the relationship go down the drain over stupid things alr?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

i'm so damn bored i'm going to cry!!! arghs.. there's nth nice to do online n i'm so sick of studying. -yanks at my hair- mayb i shd just go slp soon to keep myself sane.. how pathetic is DAT?

Saturday, October 16, 2004

go play dis game! damn cute but it's v difficult as u advance to the next level.. v nice though.. kept laughing. hahaz.. stupid moses got to level 10. damn zai! -envious-

haha.. i lyk dis blogskin! gingerbread man reminds me of dat story.. i 4got the name! damn it.. haha nvm, dat's not impt. impt thing is i got a gingerbread man blogskin! i sound lyk an idiot.. ahh wadeva :)

i'v been drifting in n out of slp for the whole day.. just feeling really drained though i havent been doing anything streneous since thurs' badminton.. yah well, anw mich told me to sms kw abt the earstick n i did. he replied me the next morning at 7+ saying sth lyk "i'm in the middle of the forest now. talk to u tonite! thanks anyway" haha.. the forest part is damn farny

so,.. i dunno wad else to blog. hahaha.. i havent been doing much lah. wad can i say man.. read abit of human geog, smsed yq n ry, n basically just slept alot.. i dun even noe wad i'm doing online.. talking to mich now. after dat i'll go off to start mugging proper! i hope.. -grins-

Thursday, October 14, 2004

after talking to wm last nite, i think i finally realised dat i'v been q silly dis whole while cos it's suddenly so obvious dat while we do have our similarities in character, the way he speaks is.. how shd i say? haha.. let's just say dat if it's other pple, i wld'v hated the way the person speaks. q farny dat i took such a long time to realise dat but cant blame me lah, i havent really talked much to him for a long time. glad dat i did talk to him yday though :)

anw deary, dun b sad anymore k? if u dunno y u'r sad try not to b unhappy lor k? do the things dat u lyk to do! lyk talking to me? haha.. -bhb- hm.. but really, u'r always the 1 who tells me not to keep thinking dat life sux n all dat, so now it's time to apply all ur optimism on urself! i'm feeling ridiculously happy dis days for some unknown reason n i dun wan u to b sad k? just wan u to noe dat i'll always b here for u cos u'r my bestest fren! -hugs-

n shifu! u.. u.. argh! it's such a coincidence dat u were talking to me abt kw yday n his gf just msg me to say dat he wans to ask me for some ear sticks. hahaha.. q farny dat he tot of asking me for them cos almost every girl who wears earrings shd have them n it's damn cheap n easy to buy. (oh man, i sound lyk i'm talking abt contraceptives: affordable n widely available. human geog! hahaha) bleahs.. yah well.. -shrugs- :D

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

i'm damn sad.. last official sch day in nj.. such a weird feeling to b sad cos i was so damn happy when i cld finally get my ass out of dat pathetic nygh which i hated w my whole heart. so farny.. xiangting came to talk to me on msn after such a freaking long time! so surprising.. hahaz

anw, as boring as it may b sumtimes, there'r so many things i'll miss abt nj! i'll miss my teammates, my crazy class, some of my teachers, my frens.. so many more! haha.. time really flies in nj compared to in ny. bleahs.. sorry to those ny-lovers. anw, of cos, there'r things n pple whom i wun miss, but i shan't go into detail abt all these worthless things dat arent worth remembering

but anw i'm in such a terribly gd mood dis days dat i cant believe it myself. haha.. been playing badminton n tabletennis with my teammates for the past few days after sch. damn fun! but it's q farny. seems lyk canoeing club has turned into badminton/tabletennis club for us. my forearm n legs ache from all dat playing but it feels real gd to jumping arnd, having fun at such a time instead of just mugmugmugging non-stop :)

o yah.. happy bday to yihui! n joanne tmr! haha.. i really dunno y but life is suddenly so much simpler n seemingly happier for me recently. i'm not complaining though.. i'm absolutely having fun cos i dun think life sux for once. it's actually nice to b alive! :D

Friday, October 08, 2004

wad the hell.. haiz.. i dunno lah.. v sad but i think i kinda expected it cos i had dis bad feeling since last nite.. yah.. wad can i say? damn it

Thursday, October 07, 2004

THE 10 'DUN'S TO NOE IF U WAN ME TO B NICE TO U: (esp for sum1 to pissed the hell out of me last nite. u can just go n bang ur head against the wall.)
1. dun try to pick a quarrel with me unless u'r sure dat u can out-talk me
2. dun act as if u noe me very well when u actually noe nuts
3. dun try to make urself out to b so great n deserving when u'r just foolish, naive n totally undeserving of anything
4. dun push the blame to me when u'r at fault too
5. dun act smart when u'r actually so simple-minded
6. dun try to play stupid games with me, then turn arnd n say i'm the mastermind
7. dun accuse me of things i'v never done
8. dun doubt me over the things i say cos there's no reason y i shd lie when i'v got nothing to hide
9. dun try to irritate/annoy/piss me off cos i wun give 2 hoots, but i'll definitely make sure u'll get a stronger dose of ur own medicine
10. dun try to step on my toes cos i'll just cut ur feet off

Sunday, October 03, 2004

these r damn farny! entertainment when u'r really down n bored

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2004/09/this_is_really_.html
http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/contributions/index.html

suddenly feel v lousy again. haiz.. it's just v depressing n discouraging to still be getting dis kinda shit results for prelims. just gives the idea dat i'm not going to make it for the BIG 'A's.. n the feeling's reallyreally terrible :(

so far, i'm disappointed with all the results dat i'v gotten back. sumtimes i really dun understand how come we study so hard but yet the results reflect none of the effort put in. getting back human geog n GP essay tmr i think.. just hoping they dun disappoint me too, though i think my human geog's going to suck too. luking 4ward to getting GP essay back though.. i tot i did q okay.. -crosses fingers-

was thinking abt other stuffs too n it really struck me dat i'm actually q a loner. hahaz.. not dat i din noe dat b4 lah, but sumtimes i 4get abt it until it hits me in the face again. i just dun feel a connection with the pple arnd me. okay, mayb not all, but MOST. when i'm with my frens, sumtimes i just shut my mouth n appear lyk i'm not interested. most of the time, i frankly dun care n i dunno y. it's just me. if i got nth to say, i wun try to make conversation unless i wan to, which is q seldom.

i think i'm the independent sort cos i really dun feel dat i nid any1 in my life. as in, if u take away random person in my life, i probably wun notice until after awhile. n when i notice the absence, i dun think i'd really b v bothered by it. take B for eg, we used to b quite close, but after all dat's happened, we'v totally ceased contact n seriously, i dun care. i nv really believed it the "friends forever" thingy anyway.

wanna say some things to some pple. u shd noe who u r if i'm talking abt u.
Person #1:
all dis while has been q hard on u. i noe. it's not dat i dun care, but i just feel dat i shdnt care too much in case my intentions r misunderstood. sumtimes things do not go the way u wan it to n it's really not up to ur control. i cant control certain things too, which may b the reason y things r ending up dis way. i dun really noe wad u were saying to me the last time we talked cos u'r always mumbling (or so i feel). i really cldnt make out ur words n u din wan to repeat urself so i wun b bothered too. i tot the email i sent u the other day was clear enuf, but apparently, it's not. just wan to tell u dat i meant wad i said in the email. there's not much point being hopeful anymore i guess.. sorry.

Person #2:
i dunno wad's ur prob cos i dun c y u had to go n tell ur stupid frens abt ridiculous things abt me. pls lah. dun b so thickskinned. i alr din lyk u v much in psch so wad the hell made u think i lyk u in sec sch? n to think u told God-noes-who dat she n i were FIGHTING OVER U. GET A LIFE man. the fact dat u live in next block from me pisses me off enuf. sumtimes i really wanna go over to ur hse n poke ur eyes out cos u obviously havent been able to luk in the mirror.

Person #3:
sumtimes i feel dat i dun really noe who u r inside, but other times, i think i noe cos i c some similarities between us. i still dunno wad happened cos u nv bothered to give me an explanation n dat's wad hurts the most. it's lyk we suddenly turned strangers over nite but i really have no idea y n i cant think of a reason dat i find acceptable. the things u do always seem to have a motive behind them n i wld say with significant confidence dat i noe wad r ur motives. i'm not exactly v stupid, though u may argue otherwise. true, i admit i'm stupid in some ways n i think 1 of the biggest mistakes i made in my life has to do with u. but then again, i dun think i regret it cos in some ways, it was worth it

Person #4:
i dun really think u lyk me as much as u seem to, n i just wan to let u noe dat i'm sorry if u feel dat i'm too cold towards u. i dun c the nid to b overly nice. i admit dat u'v never done anything much to make me dislyk u, but neither have u done anything to make me think u'r a v nice person either. the other day when i saw u, i dunno if u were genuinely happy to c me or not but i cldnt bring myself to act as if i was v happy to c u cos i wasnt. the only thing dat when thru my mind was "o okay, dat's XXX". no special feeling wadsoeva. hope u dun get too bothered by the way i treat u cos i'm alr trying to minimise contact with u so dat my attitude towards u isnt so obvious.

Persons #5:
i dunno y but i feel kinda disconnected from u cos i'm not really into wad u'r into. i'm just kinda different from the u though there'r times when we had fun together too. it's not dat i dun lyk u, but i really dun have much to talk to u abt so most of the time i'll try to mind my own business. i think the feeling's mutual so just wan u to noe dat it's okay if we dun get along dat well. i dun c it as a big prob cos we'r q okay now n i think we can maintain dis kinda relationship for as long as nid b.

Person #6:
u always come n talk to me abt the same old things over n over again! haha.. i noe it's not a nice feeling to not b doing well, but my dear, i feel the same way, n so do all those who havent been doing as well as they wan to. there's not much pt worrying n feeling sad i guess.. just hafta turn all the negative tots u haf into sth positive, sth dat'll spur u on to study harder. really wan to thank u for all the support n encouragement u gave me when i was not feeling too gd abt things. u'r easily the most sincere person i noe n i wan u to tell u dat sincerity is sth dat's so rare to find in pple nowadays, so i reallyreally appreciate u for just being u. thanks again!

Person #7:
i saved the best for the last :) when we were in sec 1, i seriously never tot dat we'll end up being such close frens cos we'r really q different. i noe i'm not easy to get close to, but i'm vvvvv glad dat u made the effort to try to noe me better cos our frenship is so precious to me. even though sumtimes i may seem lyk i dun care or wad, i wan u to noe dat no1 comes close to how much u mean to me. u'r the only reason y i'm glad i went to ny n i wldnt trade knowing u for anything. (u noe, i can go on n on n on typing, but typing dis few sentences is alr making me cry. u shd noe i'm not the v emotional type.. dat's how much i treasure our frenship :D) i dunno if there's really such a thing as "friends forever", n as much as i dun believe in it, i really hope our frenship will last til the end of time. deary, u'r the best.

life sux.. i cant concentrate on studying. haha.. just keep wanting to slp when i sit down with my notes in front of me. sian arh.. haiz.. a few more wks only.. must try to drag myself thru it somehow

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